Not Okay
by The biggest ikarishipping Fan
Summary: Dawn is sick of people asking if she's okay. She's sick of being called pathetic by Paul. Just too much pain to deal with. If only all the pain would just go away... Ikarishipping


**Disclaimer: **I. Do. Not. Own. Pokemon. Grr...

**Summary: **Dawn is sick of people asking if she's okay. She's sick of being called pathetic by Paul. Just too much pain to deal with... Ikarishipping

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Everybody always asked if I was okay. They've been asking that since the Grand Festival. Since I lost, coming in second place. No, I wasn't okay! I was tired of acting if I was when I was! _'Yes, I'm okay silly! No need to worry!'_ I wasn't okay! So why would I say I was? Why would I say I was okay when it felt like broken glass was being shoved through my heart.

Honestly, the losing Grand Festival wasn't exactly the entire reason I was upset. It was also because of _him, _Paul Shinji. The cruel, cold-hearted trainer, the rival to my best friend, the one who doesn't care for pokemon, he only cares for their power. Why was I upset over him? I wasn't in love with him, I was sure. It was just his words. The way he looked at me. The way he treated me as if I came in last place. It just killed me inside.

_"Hmph. Pathetic."_

I just lost the Grand Festival, even if I did come in second place, he would think I would be pretty upset. Which I was. Cruel jerk, that's probably why he said it. To make me feel worse about myself. Not everyone was a champion like him! Who said it was harder to be a trainer than a coordinator!? Coordinators had to actually learn appeals to show off their moves! Meanwhile, trainers just had to use powerful attacks and think of strategies to defeat the other trainers! Strategies weren't _that _hard to think of! Appeals however, you have to think of new ones. Using the same appeals over and over again was repetitive. I'm one year younger anyway, and I got second place in my first Grand Festival! That was something to be proud of! Yet, I wasn't. All because of him and his rude words, making me feel like the words he spoke.

_"Are you sure you're okay, Dawn?" Ash questioned once more._

_"Yes I'm fine! I really wish you would stop asking me!" I replied in an annoyed tone._

_"Sorry. You say you're okay, but you don't look okay." Ash told her._

_"Well, maybe I'm not!" _Just tell him that._ "I'm not okay, okay? Happy?" _Just tell him you're not okay. Why can't I? Why do I stay silent?

Why did I feel so horrible? It was only two words! Actually, more like one. One lousy, meaningless word. Pathetic. Why did I care what he thinks of me? I should be laughing at what he said, but... I'm not. I'm miserable. _'He ruined me.' _I thought to myself, burying my head into my arms. One lousy word and my spirit is broken. Stupid jerk.

There's the jerk now. Training his pokemon, training them to be stronger. I watched him from afar training his pokemon harshly. Starlies chirped in a nearby oak tree. As I watched him my heart sped up. Why? From anger? Embarrassment? I took a deep breath, and crawled forward, hiding behind some trees and bushes.

As I crawled through the maze of trees and bushes, I froze. My heart began to race. I heard footsteps not far behind. After ducking behind a tree, I turned my head just a little so I could see who was behind me. Paul. My heard sped up some more, a blush creeping onto my face. What!? Why was I blushing? I hated that guy! I hated him for making me feel so awful!

_"Dawn... I'm so sorry you didn't win." _Ash's voice echoed in her head. _"Are you going to be okay?"_

No, I will not be okay.

_"Hmph. Pathetic."_

I may never be okay again.

_"Of-of course I'm okay! I mean I got second place didn't I? That's pretty good!"_

I jumped to my feet, and ran through the forest, away from where Paul was. Why do I feel so strange? One word. Pathetic. How can one word hurt me like this? I wish I could honestly say I was okay, but I couldn't. If only I could be lying when I said I was not okay. But that would be the truth. As I came to the end of the forest, a lake came in view. It sparkled like crystals in the sunlight. I stared into the crystal clear water, staring t my reflection. The sound of crunching leaves made me turn around. Paul again. I kept on moving, checking out my surrounding.

_"So you're okay?" her mother's voice questioned._

_"No need to worry! I'm fine!" _

If I was fine, then why didn't I feel okay? I felt like a broken toy. For a moment there, I wanted to jump into the water, diving deep, not wanting to come back up. Just to let the water hold me down, just to be in the middle of the lake drowning. But I would never drown myself, my life was too precious even if I didn feel miserable. But just for that one second, the water looked just so calm and refreshing, the thought ran through my mind.

I stared at the lake one last time, wanting to jump into it so badly. Let the water hold her down, or just to float all day into it. To fall asleep and never wake up. Never to wake up into this world ever again. Instead into a fantasy land with pink puffy clouds and fairies that would giggle and laugh all day long, never to have a worry in the world. To be carefree and without a worry. A tear trickled down my cheek, wanting to be in that fantasy land so bad. I wiped the tear away, feeling incomplete. Feeling the way I was, I forgot all about Paul.

"Hm?"

Suddenly I couldn't breathe, my breath was caught in my throat. I struggled to breathe. When my breathing was once again normal, I looked around and saw Paul. Like the last few times, my heart sped up again and I felt my dreams shatter. I was screaming in my head, I wanted to scream at him.

_"Are you okay?"_

_"Are you going to be alright?"_

_"Are you sure you're going to be fine?"_

No, no, no. I was not okay. I may never be okay again.

"Dawn?" I heard Ash's voice in the distance.

"What are you doing out here? Are you alright?" he questioned.

If only I could just fly away. Fly to a fantasy place with no worry, no problems, where there's no care in the world. A place where I wouldn't feel so bad, where my troubles were dead, where I couldn't cry. Where nobody would cry. I turned around, staring at Ash.

"Dawn? Are you okay?" Ash repeated.

No, I am not.

"You know what, Ash?" I asked him sweetly.

"NO, I AM NOT OKAY! I HAVEN'T BEEN OKAY! SO YOU CAN STOP ASKING ME IF I AM!" I screamed at him.

Poor guy, had no clue what was coming for him. "I ain't okay, and I'm not sure if I ever will be again! And this doesn't have to do with me losing the Grand Festival! I couldn't care less I lost the Grand Festival! I don't care, but I'm still not okay!" Paul just stared in amazement as he watched me blow my top.

Now what? Now what would happen? What would Ash's response be? Why couldn't I just be in my fantasy land right now? Why did I have to be here right now? Shouldn't I be feeling better, not worse? I said what I was feeling, so I shouldn't be feeling this way. Why did I still hurt inside? Why did my heart still feel bruised? Of course, it's been bruised all along. It's been bruised before they started asking if I was okay. Why did I still have to be breathing?

"Why?" One word. Why? Ash asked why... Why did I feel so bad? Paul. I would never say that he was the reason why. I couldn't, too humiliating.

I dropped to my knees, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't tell him why. I wasn't even completely sure if he was the reason. Maybe I really did feel bad because I lost the Grand Festival. I clenched my teeth, trying my hardest to stop crying. I didn't want to cry. Not in front of Ash, and definitely not in front of Paul. But I was crying in front of him.

"Hmph." I felt air rush by me as Paul walked coolly by. As I watched him leave, I felt an urge to cling onto his leg, and have him drag me away with him, me sobbing all the way. I felt even more pathetic as he walked past me. I burst into more tears, my shoulders shaking uncontrollably. My heart felt even worse pain. Millions of nails of been hammered into my heart, leaving it to bleed in misery. Or at least that's how I felt.

"What are doing here, Paul?" Ash questioned. Why couldn't he just let him walk by?

"Hmph. Well, I was going to train my pokemon, but I ended up watching pathetic girl humiliate herself by crying her heart out." He mocked, sneering. More pain entered through my heart, and I felt very weak. "By the way, nice loss, _Dawn_." More tears poured out my eyes, my shoulders began to shake from anger, I clenched my teeth out of anger.

"Listen here, jerk! Stop acting like such a stuck up snob, and get over yourself! For your information, I did very well for being in the Grand Festival for the first time!" I yelled angrily at him.

Instead of being offended, he smirked, replying, "That's the best comeback you have? Pathetic." The same word that made me feel this way. the same word that made me not okay. The word that ruined me. It was a word I hated with a passion, almost as much as I hated Paul at the moment. The word stabbed a fork through my heart.

"Hey! Stop being-" Ash began.

"Pathetic?" I laughed, a tiny laugh.

"Pathetic... That word made me feel this way." I whispered through sobs. My shoulders were shaking once more, I forced myself not to fully cry in front of him, but it was hard. I didn't want to feel this way, but the feeling wouldn't go away. Ash and Paul both loked shock by what I just said. I took this chance to run.

I wanted to run into the lake, and stay at the very bottom of it. That I wanted to do, but I didn't instead I ran deep into the forest I was in before. I still didn't fully understand why thsoe words he spoke to me hurt me. Pathetic was just a word. A simple word that was just too hard to ignore. When I was far enough into the forest, I stopped and rested against a tall oak tree, bawling.

_"That's the best comeback you have? Pathetic."_

Am I really pathetic like he says?

_"Pathetic."_

I must have been. That was the third time he called me pathetic. Or something related to me pathetic.

_"Hmph. Well, I was going to train my pokemon, but I ended up watching pathetic girl humiliate herself by crying her heart out."_

More tears poured out of my eyes at that memory. I really was pathetic! Why did I have to make a fool of myself by crying in front of him? I felt a shadow engulf me. I peeked through my fingers, seeing who it was. I shouldn't have stopped running. Why did I stop running? Curse myself for being stupid enough to stop running. What does _he _want? Haven't he humiliate me enough? Shouldn't he be training his pokemon instead of chasing after a lousy and pathetic girl like me? Ash sent him, he wouldn't waste his time looking for him if Ash haven't made him look for me. It just wasn't in character for him to do that.

I got up, about to run away from him, I didn't want to deal with his insults, I just felt too awful. Just too much pain. Before I had a chance to run though, Paul grabbed me by my wrist. I flinched in pain. His grip was tight. "Wait," He called.

I sighed, trying my hardest not cry any more than I already have. "What?" I asked weakly, tears forming in my eyes.

"I-I'm sorry..." he told her quietly, just loud enough for her to hear.

What? Sorry? I didn't even know sorry was in his vocabulary.

"Sorry?" I lifted my head, staring into his eyes, trying to figure out whether or not it was joke. They looked sincere.

"Why?"

"For... for calling you pathetic." He replied.

It was a joke. It had to be. this couldn't be Paul. Was it Team Rocket? Was it Ash? His brother, Reggie? No, no, Reggie was taller than Paul. Who was it then? It couldn't have been Paul. Paul wasn't this nice. No, not nice. Paul wasn't this way. Paul apologizing? It had to be a joke. Would he really do that? Would he _really _apologize to me about that. It just couldn't be real. He's lying. He must be.

"No... Why would you apologize?" I asked softly, my gaze on the dirt floor, watching a caterpie crawl by.

"...I don't know why." He finally replied.

I felt tears escape my eyes, I didn't feel any better. I just couldn't believe him. I imagined myself in the lake again, under all of that water. The gallons and gallons of water above my body. Me in my fantasy world, a world of peace and happiness. Where i couldn't get hurt. Where pain didn't exist. Why couldn't that place actually exist? Why must that place with no pain be just a fantasy in my mind?

"You said you're sirry, right?" I asked softly, eyes still on the crawling caterpie.

He nodded his head, saying yes.

"Prove it."

He looked at me with shocked eyes. "How?" He questioned.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Just do something that will show you really are sorry. Something that will make me believe that you're actually sorry." I told him. "I don't believe you're actually sorry..."

A sad tear trickled down my face as he didn't do anything. Did I actually _want _to believe him? "Dawn..." Paul whispered. I looked his way, wondering what he wanted. As I did, his lips met mine. At first I was too surprise to react. His lips felt warm against mine, they smelt of cinnamon. Mm... Sweet cinnamon. As soon as I realized what was going on, I kissed him back. The feeling was amazing. All the pain in my heart went away. The next time Ash asks me if I'm okay, I'll be able to answer truthfully, yes.

As we pulled away, Paul asked, "Now do you believe me?"

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**_Sooo cheesy... Why are all my stories cheesy? what am I? The cheese goddess? And yes, I know this story is kind of weird. I made this song while listening to 'Say Ok' by Vanessa Hudgens. This is what I was thinking of while I was listening to the song xP Sorry if it's too cheesy... Anyway, I just wanted to make another oneshot before I'm back to school on Thursday. Sorry if there's any grammar or spelling mistakes. I'm too tired to check this and I want to have it up by today. So sorry..._**

**_Review? Please? No flames please. Flames are my enemies that I cook marshmallows and weenies over. Anyway, please review! Took me so long to write this! T.T So tired..._**


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